In light of a lot of GUY-RELATED BULLSHIT bringing negative energy into my life recently, I’m dedicating this post to that sensible mantra “FRIES BEFORE GUYS.” I once read this post on one of those expat Facebook groups where some white guy went on and on complaining about how he couldn’t find decent French fries in Taipei. Aside from the fact that I’m pretty sure the group was made for asking about housing, recommendations for doctors, etc – rather than bitching about lack of good potato products, about 30% of me grudgingly respected this guy for thinking that this topic was important enough to post about. But about 70% of me wanted to RIP HIS VIRTUAL EYES OUT for making such a CLEARLY UNINFORMED STATEMENT. I almost commented and would have surely been embroiled in one of those devastatingly pointless Facebook wars, except that I
would never be so petty. was stopped by a friend. Anyway, SUCK IT DUMB WHITE GUY – Taipei has plenty of great places to eat fries and I’ve tried almost all of them. Regularly. Too regularly.
THE BEST FRIES
• Truffle fries at Woobar (W Hotel): What started it all. Many a night began with me and the best friend stopping by Woobar to scarf down a plate of their ultra-crispy double-fried fries, served with truffle mayo (!!!), ketchup and some thai sauce we never cared about, because: truffle. mayo.
• Costumice Cafe: I appreciate that Costumice – one of my favorite weekend hangouts (and apparently also the favoured hangout of everyone in Taipei wearing black and a snapback) deviates from the norm in making their fries distinctly wedge-like. Very bold move – but still very crispy, very good. Enjoy on the patio.
• Burger & Co cheese fries: These fries take the Taipei double-fried french fry standard and STOMP ON IT. Fuck being crispy – these fries embrace their sogginess, revel in it, hang limply* in your fingers, covered in cheese bits.
* Ugh – for real, “limp” is such a disgusting word and should never be used in a food review. My bad.
• WOOTP 窩台北: *DRAKE PRAYER HANDS EMOJI* for the fact that Taipei has at least one quality place for day drinking. And not only can you order a cocktail beginning from the VERY REASONABLE HOUR OF 2:00pm, they have the best fries in all of Taipei, served in a flower pot, for some inexplicable reason. This is not a drill. Get thee to this bar and order the goose fat fried fries and a Zen Sazerac.
PRETTY GOOD FRIES
• De Place: Right next door to Costumice, this fusion bistro serves up a very decent plate of fries as well, and this incredibly spicy mala pasta that makes you cry and yet still beg for more.
• Ms. Bubble: I’m willing to bet that hardly anyone knows about this one. I’ve been sitting on this secret for a while, but it’s time: don’t sleep on this cafe’s ice cream french fry magic combo. Crispy fries, with a dish of vanilla ice cream on the side – yaaaaaaaas.
• Tribeca: I would have never made a second (or third, or fourth, ahem) visit to this random bar that no one knows about except for the fact that they have KIMCHI FRIES. Delicious, delicious caramelised kimchi and cheese and bulgogi and onions and whatever the fuck else is on there.
• McDonald’s: Because I mean, I had to. They’re dependable, trustworthy, always there (qualities CERTAIN MEN LACK – but I won’t get into that. Fries – before – guys).
JUST OKAY FRIES
• Gordon Biersch garlic fries: I mean, they’re okay. Who could hate garlic on anything? But they have a sense of corporate sterility. I need to know that my fries are unique, artisan, LOCALVORE. That ONLY IN TAIPEI can I get a particular fry-consuming experience. Gordon Biersch just doesn’t deliver in that respect. The only one who can get away with this is McDonald’s.
• Other mediocre bar fries: Pretty much all the nightlife spots around town serve the same kind of thick double-fried french fries, but The W Hotel by far has the best version and the best portion (have to get my money’s worth – you feel me?) Marquee and Alchemy serve them, but they’re way overpriced. OMNI has them (and some f-cking good chicken wings, also ridiculously priced). Barcode has them.
• Toasteria: I hear that the fries are pretty good here, but I’ve honestly never tried. I usually get the shakshouka – so good.
SUCH SHITTY FRIES
• Ireland Potato: I literally made this entirely “shitty fries” category just to bag on this disgusting local chain. Which – despite SPECIALISING IN FRENCH FRIES – probably makes the worst French fries I have ever eaten; covered in revolting things like seaweed dusted mayo. Pretty sure they don’t eat potatoes like that over in Ireland, am I right? Down with Ireland Potato and their stereotyping!
What did I miss? Let a girl know – I’m always willing to try a new fry spot. Meanwhile, I will do my best to I regularly visit all of the above spots (except for IRELAND POTATO) to do some quality control and make sure that my post is always reflecting the most accurate opinions on French fries in Taipei. Over and out. Remember: Fries before guys.
Edit: Will begin adding feedback here.
• Burger Ray: Apparently has “the best fries in Taipei”. While that’s totally impossible being that Wootp already has taken that honor, unlimited chili and cheese toppings sounds amazing.